While everyone is screaming in joy, to the point where their teeth are starting to caramelize, at the arrival of the new Stars Wars film, there are some, myself among them, who have entered a period of mourning. The sonic blasts of the spacemen’s laser canons and crashing roboships are the final mound of dirt dropped onto the grave of silent films!
The silent film leaves behind no family or friends (except me). They were 124 years old. As it often does, sadness for the victim gives way to rage towards the perpetrator. I knew the silent film was aging, and could go at any moment, however, I never expected the new Star Wars movie to be the one that murdered them in cold blood.
I paid admission to see a cool movie, not listen to a bunch of freaking sounds!
There is no doubt the new Star Wars is responsible for this heinous crime. The movie immediately starts with sound - loud sound. I instantly thought to myself, "Oh here we go, sound." And not only that, it infected the audience, causing them to produce sounds of their own.
The very moment the iconic Star Wars theme began, a large man sitting next to me in the theater took a break from eating his pecan pie and began singing along-providing his own dark lyrics. They included words of victory and a total lack of sympathy for silent films, in fact, he didn’t even mention them! And after the theme ends…more sounds. I paid admission to see a cool movie, not listen to a bunch of freaking sounds!
If the constant, unrelenting use of sound in the new Stars Wars movie wasn’t injurious enough, the movie’s plot is the one who stifles the final breath of the silent film. In one scene, main character Darth Vader refers to silent movies as being “Vsshhh…Vsssh…a thing of the past.” It is understood that the movie takes place in the future, but there is subtext in that statement. The message that the character is really sending is, “after today, you will never see a silent film again!”
If you’ve read anything about this movie, you’ve probably read that some audience members had an emotional reaction to the film. I was one of those individuals. As soon as that line was uttered by Darth Vader, I pointed my Star Wars flashlight away from the screen (I think it was bothering people anyway)
and pointed it directly at my heart, sobbing uncontrollably the whole time. The only thing that kept me from yelling “Murderer!” in my best Baba the Hat voice was the movie theater usher who had entered the room to confiscate a shepherd’s pie an attendee had snuck in (there were quite a few pies in the theater!).
As I mentioned, I knew the days of the silent film were numbered. It’s not that I was expecting Star Wars to be a silent film (hoping would be the correct word), but the fact that THIS is the movie that ends it all?
I was always taught that space was the most silent place in the universe.